The Never-Ending Game
Have you ever experienced that moment when you finally achieve a long-desired goal? The day you get accepted into the company you’ve always dreamed of, or when you hold the keys to the car you’ve fantasized about. You feel an overwhelming joy as if you’ve conquered the world, but strangely, that exhilarating feeling quickly fades away. A few days later, that thrilling achievement becomes just another part of your routine, and you start to feel anxious again, looking for new goals and higher aspirations. You find yourself chanting, “If I just have this, I will be truly happy…”
This strange affliction of the mind becomes even more pronounced when it comes to money. We live in the most prosperous era in history, yet we suffer from a feeling of ‘insufficiency’ more than ever. Social media is filled with sparkling moments of people enjoying luxury goods, traveling abroad, and having exquisite dinners. We often compare their glamorous ‘highlight reels’ to our humble ‘behind-the-scenes’ and feel inadequate.
Here, we face a fundamental question. Is the essence of this issue really the ‘absolute amount’ of money we have? Or is it in our ‘mindset’ towards money?
Morgan Housel, author of ‘The Psychology of Money,’ states that the ability to build wealth depends on behavior rather than intelligence. He warns that at the center of this behavior lies the terrifying trap of ‘insatiable desire.’
Now, let’s delve into the identity of that endlessly ‘moving goalpost.’ And let’s embark on a journey to draw my own ‘finish line’ and find true happiness, breaking free from this seemingly never-ending game.
Chapter 1: Who Moved My Goalpost?
Behind the phenomenon of our quickly fading satisfaction lie several powerful psychological mechanisms. This is not because you are weak, but rather due to very human traits we all possess.
The Hedonic Treadmill: The Virus of ‘Habituation’
Have you heard of the term ‘hedonic treadmill’? Just like how you are startled when you first enter hot water but quickly adapt, humans tend to become astonishingly accustomed to any stimulus very quickly.
Money is no different. When your salary is 50 million won, imagining a life earning 100 million is thrilling, but once you achieve that 100 million, the joy quickly becomes a new ‘baseline.’ Now, you start noticing people earning 200 million or 300 million, and 100 million no longer feels satisfying; it becomes the ‘default.’ We must run faster to be happy, but our emotional state remains stagnant.
Social Comparison: My Life vs. Their Highlight Reel
Humans are inherently social animals who instinctively compare themselves to those around them to gauge their position. This instinct for survival has gone into overdrive in the age of social media. Whereas our past comparison targets were neighbors or colleagues, now we compare ourselves to the edited lives of the top 0.1% worldwide.
We spend 24 hours viewing their ‘highlight reels’ of seemingly perfect moments, feeling deprived when compared to our unembellished reality. It’s like a marathon runner comparing themselves to a sprinter; we are participating in an unfair game that we can never win from the start.
Fixed Ambition: When Yesterday’s Success Becomes Today’s Standard
Another culprit creating an insatiable heart is ’the past self.’ Yesterday’s success becomes today’s new standard. The joy of receiving a 1 million won salary fades into a distant memory when it becomes 3 million won. Once you fly business class, economy class feels uncomfortable. Our expectations keep rising. While ambition is a driving force for growth, unchecked ambition can become poison that destroys satisfaction.
Chapter 2: The Architects of Our Dissatisfaction
There are also powerful forces that exploit our psychological weaknesses and incite feelings of ‘insufficiency.’ We may be living in a world designed to make us feel perpetually inadequate.
The Engine of Capitalism: The Desire for ‘More’
Capitalism inherently seeks ‘growth,’ and that growth feeds on ‘consumption’ and ‘desire.’ Companies continuously release new products, turning yesterday’s latest models into today’s ‘old models.’ Under the alluring slogan of “a better life,” we are constantly encouraged to desire new things. In this massive flow, shouting “I have enough right now” becomes as difficult as swimming upstream.
The Magic of Marketing: “You Have a Problem”
Modern marketing identifies problems we may not even be aware of and presents its products as solutions. A cosmetics ad featuring beautiful models subtly instills the anxiety that ‘your skin is lacking right now,’ while a flashy car ad suggests ‘your life is not free right now.’ In the face of this sophisticated psychological warfare, maintaining genuine satisfaction is no easy task.
The Whispers of the Financial Industry: “Numbers Don’t Lie”
The financial industry constantly conveys the message that only ‘higher returns’ and ’larger asset sizes’ equate to success. We easily compare our returns to market averages and feel anxious comparing our assets to those of others. The sense of security from ‘how much we have’ is overshadowed by the relative deprivation of ‘falling behind others,’ which can sway our important decisions.
Chapter 3: Changing the Rules of the Game
So, must we be helpless victims in front of this massive ‘dissatisfaction system’? No. The only way to win is to stop following the rules they set and start my own game. It takes courage to draw ‘my own finish line.’
Step 1: Redefining ‘Sufficiency’ - From Numbers to Values
If you think of a number like ‘1 billion’ when asked, “How much would you need to feel satisfied?” you might already be chasing a moving goalpost. True ‘sufficiency’ should be defined not by the amount of money but by the ‘state’ of life you desire.
Ask yourself this question: “If I never had to worry about money again, what kind of day would I want to have?”
- Do you want to wake up every morning without an alarm?
- Do you want to spend more time with loved ones?
- Do you want to dedicate time to what you are truly passionate about?
The answers to these questions are your criteria for ‘sufficiency.’ The greatest value of money is not in expensive items but in buying ‘autonomy’—the ability to control your time as you wish. The moment you define your ‘sufficiency’ not by numbers but by lifestyle, you no longer need to run on the track created by others.
Step 2: Digging a Moat Around Your Mind - Escaping the Prison of Comparison
While we cannot completely eliminate the instinct for social comparison, we can reduce its influence.
- Social Media Diet: Boldly ‘unfollow’ accounts that make you feel deprived and fill your feed with positive content that inspires you.
- Gratitude Journal: Every night, write down three things you were grateful for, no matter how small. Gratitude is the most powerful tool to shift our focus from ‘what we lack’ to ‘what we already have.’
- Change Comparison Targets: Instead of comparing yourself to others, compare ‘yesterday’s me’ with ’today’s me.’ This healthy comparison can become a positive driving force for our growth.
Step 3: Investing in Invisible Wealth - Dividends Named Freedom
True wealth is not flashy cars or luxury watches. They are often just ‘symbols of wealth’ bought with debt. Real wealth is the invisible money that gives us options and flexibility, which we have not yet spent.
This ‘invisible wealth’ provides us with the strength to cope with sudden crises, the freedom to seize good opportunities, and above all, the right to say ’no’ in situations we dislike. Isn’t this the greatest luxury in modern society? Instead of flaunting wealth through consumption, we should invest in the wisest assets of ‘freedom’ and ’time.’
To You, the Richest in This Room
Ultimately, the conclusion of this long story is quite simple. The way to win the race surrounding money is not to run faster but to stop the race and draw my own finish line.
A true wealthy person is not the one who has the most, but the one who wants the least. If our life goal is to reduce the gap between ‘what we have’ and ‘what we want,’ we need the wisdom to manage ‘what we want’ wisely instead of endlessly increasing ‘what we have.’
Now, look around you. There may be people with much more money than you. But if they are always wanting more and feeling anxious, can we truly call them rich?
On the other hand, if you may have less money, but you are satisfied within the criteria of ‘sufficiency’ you set for yourself and can fully control your time while smiling, perhaps you are the richest person in this world.